Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Rating: ★½☆☆☆ 

Directed By: Michael Bay

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro, Ramon Rodriguez

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen exists only to fuel Michael Bay‘s U. S. Military and Gigantic Explosion masturbatory fantasies.  It is an exercise in excess gone horribly wrong.  Maybe Michael Bay just wanted to create a Frat Boy Drinking Game movie, “Every time you see an explosion or cleavage, take a drink!” So, maybe he succeeded in what he set out to do.  However, Mr. Bay, I’ve cut you slack numerous times, but I would like my 2 AND A HALF HOURS of my life back.

There is so much wrong with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  I almost don’t know where to start.  I should say that I really enjoyed the first Transformers, and it’s one of my “Demo Quality” Blu-Rays that I proudly display.  However, with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Michael Bay seemed to lose his mind and didn’t worry about plot or character, but wanted nothing but Frat Boy juvenile humor, robots and explosions.

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

The Good:

• I do need to applaud ILM for the effects here.  They are on par with the first film and really are impressive.

• Soundwave as the Decepticon’s communication expert hovering over Earth as a satellite works and it pretty awesome.  Thank God they didn’t make him an Mp3 player.

• Some people hated the “nano-bot” ball bearings robot, I thought it was pretty cool.

• The “Pretender” robot hot chick had no purpose for the story, but her transformation scene was pretty awesome.  (Some people complained about a robot disguised as a human, but there was a Pretender sub-line with the Transformers toys.)

• The amazing Forest Battle Scene with Optimus Prime battle Megatron and other Decepticons.  Epic.  Too bad that was the high point of the movie, and within the first hour.

• Ravage was pretty badass.

The Bad:

• Michael Bay’s sense of humor.  Dogs humping, pot brownies, Jive-talking robots, Robots that hump legs, a robot with a gun for a penis, Testicles on Devastator.

• Shia LaBeouf.  Why is he trying to be an action star these days?  He’s good in smaller movies, but not a believable action star.  Was is just me or did he still have his Indiana Jones haircut?

• Optimus Prime’s lack of screen time.  He’s the iconic leader of the Autobots and barely in the film.

• The Jive Talking Twin Autobots.  Mudflaps and Skids.  Ugh.  Really? These guys are the most annoying characters since Jar Jar Binks, and they have more screen time than any of the Autobots.

• Exposition? Don’t you mean, more EXPLOSIONS?! Michael Bay does not give a shit about the story, only explosions.

• The Fallen is a wimp.  He’s supposed to be this old time badass, but is dispatched so quickly and stupidly by Uber-Optimus Prime, it’s just ridiculous.

• The run time.  2 hours and 30 minutes?! Are you serious? Is this Ben Hur? MAYBE if 45 minutes were cut out, this would be a wee bit better.  Maybe.

• Robot Heaven. Huh?

Really, I can go on and on.  But this subject has been covered by so many reviewers and blogs.  Basically, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the worst film of 2009,  Michael Bay’s worst film, and probably the worst film of the past decade.  However, it made tons of money so expect the sequel.  I won’t be in line for that.

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material

Slashfilm has done the research and concluded that Michael Bay’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the Worst-Reviewed-Highest-Grossing-Movie of all time.

So far, $600 million has been collected from masses for this mindless suck-fest.  Granted, a lot of these were pre-sold tickets and the marketing for the film was pretty damn awesome.

However, once reviews came in from critics and geeks alike….things didn’t look so good.  But, bad word of mouth hasn’t stopped this cash cow of a crappy movie.  Thanks everyone for empowering and thus inflating Michael Bay’s ego even more.

Check out the stats that Slashfilm discovered after the jump:

The films below are listed in descending order based on the $/% number, and guess what – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the worst reviewed highest grossing film of all time. [Slashfilm]

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Box Office: $607.7 Million (so far)
Rotten Tomatoes: 19%
$/%: 31.9

The Da Vinci Code
Box Office: $758.2 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 24%
$/%: 31.6

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Box Office: $961 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 45%
&/%: 21.35

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Box Office: $1,066.2 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 53%
$/%: 20.11

Hancock
Box Office: $624.4 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 39%
$/%: 16

Armageddon
Box Office: $553.7 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 40%
$/%: 13.8

Meet the Fockers
Box Office: $516.6 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 38%
$/%: 13.6

Angels & Demons
Box Office: $473.2 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 37%
$/%: 12.8

The Lost World: Jurassic Park
Box Office: $618.6 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 49%
$/%: 12.6

The Day After Tomorrow
Box Office: $544.3 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 45%
$/%: 12.1

Bruce Almighty
Box Office: $484.6 Million
Rotten Tomatoes: 49%
$/%: 9.9

It’s official: X-men Origins: Wolverine is the 2nd best reviewed Blockbuster of the Summer (behind Star Trek, of course).

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is getting a BEATING by almost everyone who’s seen it.  Both critics and fanboys alike would love to crucify Michael Bay.  It is currently resting at 20% on Rottentomatoes.com, as compared to 2007′s Transformers which settled at 57%.

Head over to Rotten Tomatoes to read all the reviews.  I’m actually surprised that it’s being hated on so much.  The effects look amazing, however it looks like Michael Bay’s horrible sense of humor and bloated running time ruin the proceedings.

For Example:

1) 2 hours and 29 minutes.  Is this Lawrence of Arabia?

2) Dogs hump each other, and a robot humps Megan Fox’s leg.

3) A small evil robot has gun for a penis.

4) The huge robot made up of construction vehicles (Devestator) actually is shown with wrecking ball testicles.

5) Tons of sexual innuendo for a movie aimed at selling TOYS.

For more examples check out The Movieline’s 9 Most Shameless Aspects of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

I’m pretty bummed.  I had high hopes for this brainless action flick.  I enjoy/tolerate the first one (and by all means it has it’s stinker moments) and hoped Michael Bay would listen to some of the criticisms of the first movie.

Looks like he only amped up the criticisms.  Maybe G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra will surprise is all and be better? Sheesh.  What a crap-fest of a summer.

Michael Bay‘s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is being shoved down our collective throats. With tons of pictures, trailers, TV spots and clips it’s getting pretty ridiculous.

But, you got to hand it to Michael Bay. He doesn’t half-ass it and is all about over-indulging. Kind of like Motley Crue back in the day!

Check out the TV Spots after the jump.

TONS of New TV spots:

Prepare for sensory overload.  Marketing for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has moved into full swing.  Here are MORE stills from the current TV spots and clips that are being released.

Later I will be doing a massive post of ALL the new TV spots.

Enjoy the new pictures after the jump:

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

74 Photos

Transformers 2: Marketing

10 Photos

Transformers 2: Behind the Scenes

14 Photos

MTV debuted a picture The Fallen, the mysterious villan in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  Here’s what Shia LaBeouf has to say about the character:

Basically, the Fallen is to them what cavemen, Neanderthals were to us… He’s the ancestor, the first version of this exoskeleton. He’s the first version of this sentient being. That’s what he is. He’s the origins of what they came from. [The relationship between him and Megatron is] the Emperor and Darth Vader – it’s that kind of situation… He’s the main villain, so two and two makes four. He’s a badass. He has to be. The Fallen, his transportation method is really unlike any other robot’s transportation method. The way he fights is also very different. It’s spectacular, visually stunning, really incredible.

MTV will be premiering footage from Revenge Of The Fallen during the MTV Movie Awards.  The 2009 MTV Movie Awards are live Sunday, May 31 at 9PM ET.

[Source: io9]

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

74 Photos

Transformers 2: Marketing

10 Photos

Transformers 2: Behind the Scenes

14 Photos

As if to taunt McG’s lack of pull at the box office for Terminator: Salvation over Memorial Day weekend, tons of new photos from Michael Bay’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen have emerged.

Check them out after the jump.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

74 Photos

Transformers 2: Marketing

10 Photos

Transformers 2: Behind the Scenes

14 Photos

What if Michael Bay and McG got their man-love on and gave birth to a new movie? We’d have Transforminators!

Here’s a pretty genius mash up between the Transformers 2 Trailer and the Terminator: Salvation trailer.

[Source: Slashfilm]

Oh, how the mighty have fallen (no pun intended).  Stan Bush is responsible for the awesome 80s anthem from the 1986 animated Transformers: The Movie called “The Touch.” It’s awesome 80s cheese.  I love it (view the original video after the jump).  In order to try and cash in on Transformers, Stan Bush decided he’d remake the song.  I dare you to make it past the horrible rapping.

It’s unclear if this song will be on the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen soundtrack.  I really hope not.  Thanks Stan Bush for ruining a great 80s memory.

[Source: Slashfilm]

Shia LaBeouf should win an award for the most “NO”s in a single movie. Here are his best NO moments from Transformers, Surf’s Up and Disturbia. Thanks to my buddy Josh for the tip!